


Boundaries.

by Crows_will_hunt_you



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm just projecting my life onto Asahi at this point, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, M/M, Poor thing, it'll be okay, slight PTSD?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26070760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crows_will_hunt_you/pseuds/Crows_will_hunt_you
Summary: During an intimate exchange, Nishinoya touches Asahi somewhere that triggers an episode. Will they be able to work it out?TW: panic attack, implied/reference to self harm, implied/reference to sexual abuse.Please stay safe!Asanoya week: Day six! Hurt/Comfort.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Kudos: 78
Collections: Asanoya (main pairing), Asanoya Week 2020





	Boundaries.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Panic attack, implied/reference to self harm, implied/reference to sexual abuse. Reader's disgression advised. Please read with caution, don't risk your own episode by reading this. Take care.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

_It had been going so well, it had been going so, so well… Why did this have to happen, why did this even happen? It’s been so long, why now? Why now out of all that had happened today? Everything was going fine, I should be fine.._

  
  


His palms pressed into his eyes. 

  
  


_This shouldn’t be happening, this shouldn’t be happening, don’t touch me, please stop touching me.._

  
  


The hands pressed to his shoulders retracted quick. He could vaguely hear himself yelling something. 

  
  


_ get it off, just get rid of it, I hate it, I hate it I hate it.  _

  
  


He pulled at his hair and yanked it back into a loose bun atop his head.

  
  


_ Stop touching my skin, get it off, get off, get away. _

  
  


A shirt was flung off and eyes were met with blinding lights. He did not realize he was buried inside the clothing. 

  
  


_they’ll see you, he’ll see you, he’ll touch you again, cover up, cover up. Cover up now._

  
  


The blanket beside him was thrown over his head and adjusted to not be touching his bare skin, only the top of his head. He became painfully aware that he was still on the bed, still being stared at and still in a position that exposed his body in a way he did not want.

  
  


_ Hide, hide, knees up, don’t let them be able to see you there, cover up, go down to the ground off the bed, off the bed. _

  
  


With little grace, he crawled to their closet and hid himself behind hung clothing. Now secluded, he slowly tried to keep his breathing in check. He was still gasping for air and it stuttered painfully, but it was better than his previous state of not breathing at all. Everything was still too much, and he couldn’t calm himself down. He could feel himself spiraling down into a deep hole of negative thoughts ranging from Yuu hating him for stopping their sessions to him never recovering from what had happened all those years ago. 

  
  


Vaguely, he registered blunt nails digging harshly into his arms. There was also the sensation of hot wet coming out of his eyes and mouth. He was glad, for many reasons, that Yuu couldn’t see him. He probably looked like a blubbering idiot. An idiot who couldn’t have one make-out without freaking like a toddler. 

  
  


He felt horrible, his whole body was shaking and his head was pounding. He was sure by now his nails had left some type of mark and his legs were pressing so hard against his chest. Memories had just flooded back in, he couldn’t help it, he told himself. Nothing could have prevented that. Yuu probably just got caught in the moment and touched him there. But even just thinking of being touched there made him gag, stomach tightening and pushing up to his throat. The pressure manifested against the area making it so hard not to let out a silent scream. _they were touching there again._

  
  


Everything about this was horrid. He couldn’t even open his eyes without almost throwing up from a sensory overload. Asahi just wished it would all go away, that he could go away. And for the first time in six years he remembered what it felt like to _want_ to die. 

  
  
  


⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶

  
  
  


When Asahi pulled away from him, Yuu immediately became aware of what he did wrong. His hand pulled itself to his chest so quick his wrist ached dully. That simple touch on the back of his lover’s neck was enough to make him break down, Yuu knew that. _Stupid, You know that!_

  
  


He began apologizing, but Asahi’s hands flung to his eyes and he began murmuring and whining incoherently. He wouldn’t hear anything he said, Yuu concluded. This wasn’t anything new, Yuu had seen Asahi experience episodes countless times, but nothing so severe in a very long time. He tried to comfort him by rubbing at his shoulders, trying to ground him back to reality but the murmurs became louder and morphed to a choked shout. He pulled his hands away.

  
  


“A-Asahi? What’s going on, what do you need?” Despite knowing he probably still couldn’t hear him, Yuu still wanted to help in some way. He sat back on his heels and rocked nervously, teeth sunk in his bottom lip. 

  
  


He watched as Asahi pulled his hair into a messy bun and jerked his shirt off. He did nothing as his boyfriend grabbed the blanket and draped it over himself. He helplessly reached out slightly when the other went and closed himself into the closet. 

  
  


_ 'I thought… I thought we had been doing so well.. Why did I have to do that..' _

  
  


He looked down at the opposing hand with a scowl and whipped at his tears with the other. He cursed himself for crying, he should be strong right now, he should be there for Asahi , but here he wass, sitting, useless, on the bed. 

  
  


Yuu scrubbed at his eyes and huffed. This was scary. Asahi was hurting and he was probably scared out of his mind, but so was Yuu. He had no idea what to do and the person he cared about the most was hiding in a god damn closet, crying. 

  
  


Yuu did his best to take a few deep breaths, but as he got it steady he remembered the red crescents on Asahi’s arms and let out another sob. 

  
  


_ ‘Asahi’s hurting himself again because of you..’ _

  
  


No, that wasn’t true.. This is okay, they’ll be okay. Asahi will be okay. 

  
  


After a few moments, Yuu crawled off the bed and sat on the wall adjacent to the closet. Inhaling, he balled up his fists and squared his shoulders. With a forceful exhale, his body went limp. 

  
  


“‘Sahi? I need you to at least try to breathe with me right now.. Can you do that for me?”

  
  


There was a shuffling and a few bumps, but then a quiet and broken _'okay'._

  
  


“Okay, in through the nose. One, two, three, four. Hold in. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Exhale out the mouth. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Again…”

  
  


It went on for quite a while, the two breathing together slowly and occasionally giggling when Yuu would flub the numbers. 

  
  


There was a long sigh from inside the closet. Then, Yuu saw a few fingers peek from underneath the door. He grazed them with his and kept them connected. 

  
  


“...I’m sorry..” Yuu’s eyes widened and shifted to face the closet. 

  
  


“For what? You didn’t do anything wrong! If anything, _I'm_ sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I just.. I.. I shouldn’t have.. I’m sorry..”

  
  


Asahi let out a small chuckle and opened the door. His hair was a mess and his eyes were red and puffy, dried spit and tears running down his face. He sniffled a bit, but went up to Yuu and pressed his body against his. Yuu raised his hands, but let them fall back. 

  
  


“Do you want a hug back?”

  
  


“No..”

  
  


“Okay.” “I love you..”

  
  


“I love you too. Thank you for tolerating this type of crap..”

  
  


Yuu sighed and kissed Asahi on the forehead. The other pressed into him and placed a few kisses along his collarbone. 

  
  


“I don’t put up with it, I go along with it for you, _for_ you, because I love you. Don’t ever think you’re burdening me, or being any sort of inconvenience, or that I’ll love you any less because of your episodes. You’re still you, no matter what happens or what you go through. I’ll always have you and I know I’m spewing random garbage right now but I mean all of it.’

  
  


Asahi looked up and gasped softly, pushing himself to his knees. He whipped at the corners of Yuu’s eyes and held his cheeks. 

  
  


“You were crying? Why, are you okay? Did I hurt you? God, please tell me I didn’t hurt y-”

  
  


Yuu laughed tearfully and placed his hands over his boyfriends. 

  
  


“I’m fine, love, I'm alright. I was just worried. Don’t mind.”

  
  


They laughed, eye meeting. Asahi leaned in for a gentle and quick kiss. 

  
  


“Thank you..”

  
  


“Any time, baby.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
